Lose Yourself
by Sailor Aurora Helios
Summary: Heero finally completes a mission he's been dreading, and how will he react? Warnings: Angst, attempted suicide, shonen-ai I DO NOT OWN GW or EMINEM or


Loose Yourself

By: Sailor Aurora Helios

Disclaimer: I do not own Eminem or Loose Yourself (which is a kick ass song!) I also do not own Gundam Wing! *cries*

OMG! This song is soooo cool! It's really actually a good song to listen to that will keep you going no matter how hard it is! And then this fic idea popped in my head!

~*~*~*~
    
    _Look, _
    
    _if__ you had one shot,_
    
    _one__ opportunity _
    
    _To seize everything you ever wanted _
    
    _In one moment _
    
    _Would you capture it or just let it slip_
    
                   Heero tensed, he watched the girl below making a speech. Preaching about pacifism that could never truly be obtained, she was an obstacle that he had to eliminate.
    
    _His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy _
    
    _There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti _
    
    _He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready _
    
    _To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting _
    
                   Heero eyed the gun in his hands all of a sudden it felt extremely heavy, his arms felt like lead weights but he held them up never the less. He showed no expressions as usual. Yet inside he was shaking, scared to death.
    
    _What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud _
    
    _He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out _
    
    _He's chokin, how everybody's jokin now _
    
    _The clocks run out, times up over, bloah! _
    
    _Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity _
    
    _Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked _
    
    _He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy_
    
                   His mouth was dry. He opened his mouth but the words would not come out. He closes his mouth and takes a deep breath. 'I'm the perfect soldier. I am not weak. I can do this. I have killed thousands of people. She is the last one. I swear she'll be the last one. I'll never kill again after this. I have to do this complete my mission.'
    
    _No _
    
    _He won't have it, he knows his whole back's to these ropes _
    
    _It don't matter, he's dope _
    
    _He knows that, but he's broke _
    
    _He's so stacked that he knows _
    
    _When he goes back to this mobile home, that's when it's _
    
    _Back to the lab again yo _
    
    _This whole rap city_
    
    _He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him _
    
                   'This is it… never again…. I promise' Heero though to himself. His finger tensed slowly moving towards the trigger.
    
    _You better lose yourself in the music, the moment _
    
    _You want it; you better never let it go _
    
    _You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _
    
    _This opportunity comes once in a lifetime_
    
    _You better lose yourself in the music, the moment _
    
    _You want it; you better never let it go _
    
    _You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _
    
    _This opportunity comes once in a lifetime_
    
                   Heero stopped shaking inside. All thoughts and doubt disappeared from his mind. Another Heero seemed to take over, his mind focused on only the mission. He was lost in the moment. The way he was on a mission the 'Perfect Soldier' always took over and did the task then left Heero alone to deal with it.
    
    _The souls escaping, through this hole that is gaping _
    
    _This world is mine for the taking _
    
    _Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order _
    
    _A normal life is borin, but superstardoms close to post mortem_
    
    _It only grows harder, only grows hotter _
    
    _He blows us all over these hoes is all on him _
    
    _Coast to coast shows, he's known as the globetrotter _
    
                   A bullet tore through the air silently. The girl collapsed dead instantaneously. Heero took off running. 
    
    _Lonely roads, God only knows _
    
    _He's grown farther from home, he's no father _
    
    _He goes home and barely knows his own daughter _
    
    _But hold your nose cause here goes the cold water _
    
                   Heero arrived at his house. He had left the TV on, the news was already all over what happened headlines flashing, "Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlain has been assassinated." He collapsed the gun skittering away. "Mission Complete." He whispered.  He crawled into the bathroom and curled into a fetal position.
    
                   "No… not again, Why did I do it? I killed another innocent little girl. I'm a monster." Heero stirred as he heard a familiar voice call out.
    
                   "Heero, is that you?" Heero cursed, he wasn't supposed to be home. He was supposed to be staying with Quatre. 'No… I'm a monster… I don't deserve to live. What if I snap? I've told him Omae O Korosu before…. What if I get the urge to complete that mission also?'
    
    _His hoes don't want him no more, he's cold product _
    
    _They moved on to the next schmoe who flows _
    
    _He nose dove and sold nada _
    
    _So the soap opera is told and unfolds _
    
    _I suppose it's old partner, but the beat goes on _
    
    _Da__ da dum da dum da da _
    
                   Heero stood and shakily looked through the cabinets. He sat finding what he was looking for. The sharp razor blade glinted in the light.
    
                   Duo wandered out of his room and saw the TV; he sat down listening to the news, an eyebrow raised. "Relena's dead?" He whispered in disbelief. He stood noticing the gun on the floor. "Oh… shit!"
    
    _You better lose yourself in the music, the moment _
    
    _You want it; you better never let it go _
    
    _You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _
    
    _This opportunity comes once in a lifetime_
    
    _You better lose yourself in the music, the moment _
    
    _You own it; you better never let it go _
    
    _You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _
    
    _This opportunity comes once in a lifetime_
    
                   Heero's eyes were red from tears silently falling down his cheeks. 'I'm a monster… a horrible evil being.' He poised the razor above his arm, and soon the 'Perfect Soldier' returned and Heero lost him self in the moment.
    
                   "Mission accepted." 
    
    _No more games, I'ma change what you call rage _
    
    _Tear this mothafuckin roof off like 2 dogs caged _
    
    _I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed _
    
    _I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage _
    
                   "Shit. HEERO! Where the hell are you!" Duo's eyes darted around the room.  'He couldn't have…. How could he?'
    
    _But I kept rhymin and step writin the next cypher _
    
    _Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper _
    
    _All the pain inside amplified by the fact _
    
    _That I can't get by with my __9 to 5_
    
    _And I can't provide the right type of life for my family _
    
    _Cuz__ man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers _
    
    _And it's no movie, theres no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life _
    
    _And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder _
    
                   Heero continues to run the razor all over his body, blood covers his arms and legs as her begins running it along his chest and back.  He purposefully evaded the veins in his wrist. He counted as he made each slice, one cut for every person he ever killed. This was their way to take revenge. 
    
                   Heero was surrounded, floating in a black abyss. Ghostly figures approached him, slashing at him, having their revenge.
    
    _Tryin__ to feed and water my seed, plus _
    
    _See dishonor caught up between bein a father and a prima donna _
    
    _Baby mama drama screamin on and _
    
    _Too much for me to wanna _
    
    _Stay in one spot, another damn monotony's_
    
    _Gotten to me, to the point I'm like a snail _
    
    _I've got to formulate a plot or I end up in jail or shot _
    
                   Duo's eyes slowly shifted to the bathroom door. 
    
    _Success is my only mothafuckin option, failure's not _
    
    _Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go _
    
    _I cannot grow old in Salems lot _
    
    _So here I go its my shot. _
    
    _Feet fail me not cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got_
    
                   Two girls approached Heero. Two innocents he killed. Relena grabbed one hand; the little girl grabbed his other, palms facing up. They held a dagger in their hands which were poised above the vein in his wrist. 
    
    _You better lose yourself in the music, the moment _
    
    _You own, you better never let it go _
    
    _You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _
    
    _This opportunity comes once in a lifetime_
    
                   Heero stared vacantly ahead. The razor was poised above his wrist ready to sink down, slicing through the skin like a hot knife through butter. His entire body was covered in blood.
    
    _You better lose yourself in the music, the moment _
    
    _You want it, you better never let it go _
    
    _You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _
    
    _This opportunity comes once in a lifetime_
    
                   Duo ran towards the door throwing it open. He stared in horror at the boy covered in blood. "Heero!" He grabbed the razor the blade biting into his skin and tossed it aside.  "Heero what the fuck were you thinking???" Duo shouted. Duo shifted to look him in the eyes. Duo's eyes grew wide, Heero's eyes were vacant lifeless almost, the real Heero was lost in his thoughts. 
    
                   Duo was surrounded in a black abyss. He slowly approached Heero, Relena and the little girl stepped aside. Duo wore a black cloak which flowed about him. He reached forward grabbing Heero's hands. "Heero…" Duo whispered his fingers entwined in Heero's. Tears slowly fell down his face.
    
                   "Shinigami… you want to finish me off yourself?" Heero said brokenly. Duo felt as if he had just been stabbed in the heart.
    
                   "Heero. It's me, Duo! Please Heero, don't do this. Come back to me. Heero don't do this!" Duo pleaded, his eyes radiating a love so pure that proved no matter what he would always love him.
    
    _You better lose yourself in the music, the moment _
    
    _You own it, you better never let it go _
    
    _You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow _
    
    _This opportunity comes once in a lifetime_
    
    _You better..._
    
                   Heero blinked coming back to reality. He looked down at Duo who was holding his bloody body sobbing; his face was buried into Heero's chest.
    
                   "Heero please don't... Please don't leave me. I don't wanna loose you. I've lost so many people in my life. I don't wanna loose you too!" Duo was saying between sobs. Heero smiled a sad smile. 
    
                   "Duo… do you really think I deserve to live? I'm just an unfeeling killing machine. I killed that innocent little girl, and Relena while she was preaching pacifism. Duo I don't deserve your love." Heero whispered. Duo looked up fear in his eyes as he hugged Heero closer.
    
                   "Don't say that…" He whispered. Heero stared into Duo's eyes, Heero then hugged him back.
    
                   "I'm sorry Duo.. I was… I was lost in the moment." Heero said as the last lines of the song on Duo's CD player blasted from his room.  "I think… I'll loose myself in the moment of life…" Duo looked at him questioningly. Heero had a genuine smile on his face.
    
                   "I choose to live Duo-Chan…."
    
    _You can do anything you set your mind to, man_


End file.
